Birth Control
I can't believe I'm posting this, so don't be surprised to see it yanked back down! I just commented concerning this subject on Kira's blog and decided the whole story was mildly amusing. Since I've had a couple of glasses of wine this evening, which are probably stifling some of my inhibitions and most of my good sense, I thought I'd post this little ditty for you to enjoy at my expense. Laugh it up!!
A couple of years ago, I was going for my annual check-up with the OB-GYN. Being recently divorced, investigating birth control options seemed like the responsible and proactive thing to do. (Proactive because there was not even a hint of the most remote possibility that I might actually NEED birth control!! But I digress...) I decided on the patch. I can't remember where I parked my car an hour ago. I could never remember to take a pill every day!!
For nearly two years, I've been wearing this patch. It's working great! I have absolutely no desire to smoke and no nicotine withdrawal symptoms of any kind. Of course, that may be due to the fact that I've never smoked, but again, I digress...
When I went for my last check up, the nurse asked me all the standard questions. "Do you smoke? Do you drink? Are you taking any medications?" I answered all the questions, "No...no...no..." Then I added, because it really seemed as though she was just fishing for vices: "I'm not having sex either. I just keep wearing the patch because it makes my boobs a little bigger and I need all the help I can get."
It was clear that the nurse found this statement highly amusing. I wasn't feeling particularly humorous, however. Not getting any can make a person kind of cranky, you know what I mean??
--------------------------------------------
PS: My friend Karen and I booked our January 2006 cruise today. Seven days, eastern Caribbean. Could I be any more excited? A cruise in January, Vegas BloggerCon in April. WOW!!
Life without....er....cigarettes...can still be exciting, right?? Oh yeah!!
posted by WordWhiz at 7/12/2005
29 Comments:
I kinow what you mean. I stopped smoking 7 months ago today, so not getting any nicotine really makes me cranky.
10:00 PM
I know what you mean. I stopped drinking 30 minutes ago, so not getting any alcohol really makes me cranky.
(I couldn't resist. Anyway, Whizzer, "Busted" is my favorite word tomorrow.)
10:05 PM
PAUL: CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY!! KEEP IT UP! GOOD LUCK.
SNAKE: I really love you. (Let's keep that just between us, okay?)
10:12 PM
"Not getting any". I am in the midst of writing that novel. Unfortunately its very long, bleak and drawn out. Characters lack fervor, storylines stay dormant. The pictures are very pretty though.
10:55 PM
AMANDA: Once it has experienced the on-slaught of the Slut Rebellion, Vegas will never be the same!
POP FIZZ: Well sure the pictures are pretty. The people are all freshly put together, without a single hair out of place!
ROLANDO: Thanks for visiting!
6:08 AM
WW: Isn't DP going to help (sometime soon) with the whole "not getting any" situation? Or doing so already?
7:15 AM
WW: Isn't DP going to help (sometime soon) with the whole "not getting any" situation? Or doing so already?
7:15 AM
I quit smoking about a year and a half ago. I tried the patch but I couldn't keep it lit and it smelled terrible. I didn't get pregnant either. (just where do you have to put the patch to keep from getting pregnant?)
Oh, and I'm always cranky.
8:15 AM
great post....good morning laugh! :)
8:24 AM
FW: I'm a GOOD GIRL, remember? ;-)
LEJND: I bet you're NEVER cranky!! Congratulations on quitting smoking. I know that's difficult.
CHARLIE: Thanks! Sounds like your party was a blast!!
8:39 AM
No reason to pull that post!
Sorry that you're cranky about the subject. People tend to joke, people tend to laugh, but when a person isn't going through it, it's hard to understand that it isn't very fun.
11:19 AM
MONA: I was just joking. I'm not cranky - really.
I mean honestly, who needs a man anyway? What good are they? Rotten, stinkin' good-for-nothing low lifes who just expect you to wait on them hand and foot and never appreciate all the...oh, gee...maybe I am a little cranky.
:-)
11:56 AM
You know what it is? You're not cranky...you're indignant. You know what you want, dammit ;)
1:10 PM
I like you, Mona!! I like the way you think!
1:14 PM
which is why i wear the patch...bigger boobs.
1:25 PM
I can't help myself, I have to ask: Does the patch help cramping too? 'cause if it does I'm THERE!
(also, does it cost about the same as the pills?)
Great post too, I had to laugh, I could just see the look on the nurses face!
2:46 PM
Paige: No help with cramping - sorry. Doesn't make you turn into a blimp like the shots, however. Cost?? I don't know. I have insurance so I just pay a co-pay.
3:01 PM
damn...oh well, it was worth a shot. One of these days I'm just going to have to just GO to the doctor's and ask.
4:14 PM
PAIGE: Yeah, talking to the doctor would be best. I was just throwing out some wine-induced, sarcastic humor. I'm not really qualified to give medical advice. You're talking about someone who is taking hormones for the sole purpose of increasing bust size! I bet there are some medical professionals who would consider that less than responsible! But it's cheaper than surgery and hey...there's always wishful thinking!! At least I have a boyfriend now! I think...sort of...and I have boobs! That should count for something, right??
Oh gosh, I'm pathetic!!
4:26 PM
bloggercon shall rock..
and you will be drinking then.. so save up some room for all the "vice!"
7:55 PM
I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter about 5 years ago.
8:29 AM
"were" the patch to vegas? I think she should "wear" the patch myself....
"Ha, and people think he is a great writer"-Snarkerella
Don't listen to her Hof, we still love you.
6:56 PM
I read through the typo. I make so many of them myself, I've learned to ignore them!!
VEGAS, BABY!!! Hey Hof...bring the Party Bus!!!
10:33 PM
LOL glad my post inspired you to think of this one! It's a great elaboration on your comment. Love your naughty side, WW ;)
11:15 PM
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