Pondering the complexities of life.

Sunday, November 30

Planning obsessed

Don't you despise those people who have had one too many and feel the need to post their incredibly ill-inspired, alcohol-induced rantings on the blog site??

Better leave then...

Is anyone else out there planning obsessed? I deal with difficult situations by grabbing a pen and paper and formulating a PLAN. If I can plan my way out of a problem, it's not a problem. Even trial-and-error planning is useful. I can CHANGE my plan to address a problem...I just have to always HAVE a plan.

If you are "plan obsessed", how do you get people to under stand and deal with your obsession? How do you relate the the "wait-and-see" personalities of the world? Can an obsessed planner ever hope to have successful relationship with a wait-and-see-er??

After over three years of dating, I'm done with the wait and see. I'm done living in limbo. I'm done feeling like I'm the only one willing to sacrifice for the relationship.

I've added Paul to my will. I've listed him as my emergency contact (along with my daughter) everywhere. I've changed jobs to be closer to where he lives and works. I've had my house for sale for nine months, chasing the market down, in the hopes of moving closer. I've drawn $15K out of retirement (it was losing money anyway) toward a down-payment on a house closer to him, in the even I am able to sell my house at a DRASTICALLY reduced price - one that would not allow a sufficient down payment for new house.

Paul...he "believes" things will all work out. He things we should "trust our love" and have "faith" that we'll be together forever. He believe some day, the kids who he is incapable of ever saying "NO" to will actually move out on their own. (ages 23 and 24 and both earning over $45K/year.)

Yes, I know they have student loans. I also know they are currently making salaries equal to their father...who has worked for over 30 years to earn that level and is supporting a house and TWO ADULT CHILDREN. They can manage. We did on a lot less...even when you figure in inflation.

I address problems by formulating a plan. I go after what I want by formulating a plan. I PACK FOR VACATION by FORMULATING A PLAN!!! I can not feel in control of ANY aspect of my life without a plan.

TRUST. How many of us have been bitten in the ass by trust??

SOUL MATE. Nice for the here-after, but what about the here and now??

LOVE. Doesn't that involve sacrifice, giving, PLANNING and compromise???

We've been together for over three years. I'll soon be turning 49. Fifty is a mere year and a few days a way. My parents died in their mid-70s. Paul's brother and sister died in their 30s.

Wait and see? Trust?? Hope?? Faith?? Time??

I don't think so. I need more. I've waited long enough. I need to see the PLAN!!!! Why is that so difficult to understand???


Blogger kenju said...

It isn't difficult at all, but some people live on a more day to day basis, and they have trouble seeing the need for a schedule/plan. You have done much more than he (it appears) to guarantee your future together. Maybe it is time to see just how much HE wants it to happen.

11:45 PM

Blogger Big Dave T said...

I agree with Kenju, but I know it's hard to make plans where your kids are concerned. Even adult children.

I used to be an incessant planner but as I got older I found there were just too many variables. I still make plans but if something comes up to change them, I try not to sweat it.

9:46 AM

Blogger Amanda said...

I agree with Kenju too. I'm a planner. An obsessive, lose-my-mind planner. You have every right to want a plan. It's your life too.

9:49 PM

Blogger Kira said...

Shoot, I need a plan. I couldn't tolerate three years of not knowing, to be honest. It's one of those things I set up with Alex at the very beginning: we Muellers always have to have a plan. He got a good chuckle when I sent my mom our itinerary for a visit once, complete with who was cooking what when and what we were going to do at exactly each time every day. But he told me that after hanging out with my family, he realized it was indeed an important element for all of us. So, he adjusted. He'll never be as good as I am at mapping out every single detail, but he TRIES to do it just to allow me that "comfort zone."

Yeah, that's what it is--a feeling of security. I can't always know what is going to happen, but having plans for what will happen provides a feeling of peace and security I can't get otherwise. So, for instance, Alex and I sat down and planned out the third and final baby track. We start trying in April. If I'm not pregnant by next Jan (2010), we give up. We've talked about all the options if we DO have a child, and we've talked about what we'll do if we CAN'T. So now it seems less scary to me even if I can't control if I do get pregnant or not.

After three years, Paul does need to give you a lot more than "trust me." Sure, he's a great guy, but you've played on his field for a while now. It's time for him to play on yours.

4:04 PM

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5:46 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is my way of sorting problems too! But it gets so intense I almost can't function in my day to day life without plans. I'm reliant on them and it breaks me down when I have to make note of every last conclusion, detail and explain how I will defeat obsticles too. I'm trying to learn to live by the day but boy my pen and paper are beside me right now. 2 sticky pads and three pieces of paper filled with plans for '11!

4:20 AM


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