Blind Date Hell
It's a blogging bonanza!! I'm experiencing blog ideas begetting other blog ideas! I hope you will excuse the multiple posts and remember this when I hit a dry spell!
In addition to being a little odd, bloggers can also be embarrassingly honest! We will openly admit to all sorts of humiliating situations we've created for ourselves through our own inadequacies. Perhaps the thought is: Who cares? None of these people know me anyway!
I've discovered that many of us are (or have been) among the lonely hearts, desperately shopping for love on the internet. (Gosh, it sounds so pathetic when stated like that, doesn't it??) I've read some funny stories on various blogs concerning even-more-horrible-than-expected blind-date experiences. I thought it might be funny to open up a forum on that topic. (You secure and happily married folks should feel free to just delight in our misery and take pleasure in knowing how fortunate you are not to be one of us!)
Got an amusing tale of internet dating hell? Ever had a blind date experience so awful you thought you'd never get over it? Share it with my blog readers! You'll give them a good laugh. And besides, none of them know you anyway!
posted by WordWhiz at 5/19/2005
5 Comments:
This blind date was actually a friend of a friend situation. Have you ever known one of those people who is absolutely DESPERATE to be married? So desperate in fact, that he or she is already discussing introducing the kids deciding which of your homes would be better suited to your cohabitation after only ONE date? That was this guy.
The kicker was a phone conversation shortly after that initial date. Mr. Desperate-to-Get-Hitched was waxing on about all of the women who had screwed him over in the past. I replied, "Honey, you really need to grow yourself a backbone!" He paused. A moment of silence. Did I offend him? Then he spoke...timidly:
"Did you just call me 'Honey'?"
Clearly there was never a second date.
11:10 AM
I once went on a blind date at university (in the mid-90s) arranged through a VERY early version of dating software called "BoatieDate" where "boaties" (people who rowed) were set up with those of a similar desperation on the rather unscientific basis of which rowing position they occupied in the boat (ie the bowman in the boat would be set up with another bowman, etc).
Anyway, being rather non-athletic, I was a coxswain and was unsurprisingly set up with another coxswain. This young lady, who I met in a smoky pub in the centre of town, was about 4 foot 8 and very VERY northern-irish. We sat in the beer garden and exchanged various bits of small talk, discussed mutual acquaintances, the usual rowing gossip. After about 5 minutes, after I had spotted (over her shoulder) a friend walk in, she noticed my eyes glance behind her (I was actually trying to work out who the stunning blonde was with him), and she slammed her pint down.
"Who's that over there?"
"Erm - no one. A friend"
"Spying on me?"
"No, don't be stupid".
"WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS SPYING ON ME. THIS BOATIE DATE THING IS A FRONT, ISN'T IT?" She was shouting in a very loud nasal voice by now.
"What are you talking about?". I was getting a bit worried.
"YOU PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I'M A FUND RAISER FOR THE IRA AND A SINN FEIN SUPPORTER, YOU CAN RUIN MY LIFE"
"Listen, I really have to go now."
"THAT's IT - YOU'RE ON THE LIST AS WELL. WE CAN FIND YOU."
I got up to leave, but was a bit worried, as it was just after some London IRA attack that had ended their ceasefire. So (and I have no idea why I did this), I turned round and whispered in her ear.
"On the contrary. We just found you." She just grinned, ominously.
I then legged it out of the pub, changed my email accounts, de-registered from BaotieDate and checked underneath my crappy bike for bombs for months. HOW romantic!
12:34 PM
Merkin: What a riot!! Thanks for sharing that great story! I fear I just robbed your site of a great blog post!!
I'll have to stop by and visit you. If your posts are half as funny as your comments, your site must be awesome!!
How did you happen upon my blog?
1:08 PM
im so glad i dont have to date around any more. i cant think of any old stories but i shall try to remember some.lol
5:02 PM
i have never been on a blind date. i don't trust anyone enough to set me up.
11:16 PM
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