Mother-of-a-teenage-girl angst
It's no longer safe to assume my daughter's sole purpose for taking birth control pills is to increase her bust size. Let's just say I have a visual image I really never wanted to have. No, not THAT bad! But the memory of my daughter's boyfriend sheepishly uttering, "Hi, Mom," while feverishly pulling up his pants is not one one I'll be fondly savoring. Neither is the parent to teenage couple discussion which followed.
Later update:
In the style of Bill Clinton, define "sex".
Evil horny teenage boy gone, one-on-one with daughter ensued. I was informed why only HE was undressed.
I clearly remember the first time I heard my daughter use the term "hard on". It was after the 8th grade dance and she was telling me why she was uncomfortable slow dancing with boys. ("Cause they always get hard ons.") I literally fell off the couch. Not only did I find it hysterical, but I was shocked to hear her use those words.
I will also never forget the first time I heard her use the term "hand job". Trust me, it wasn't funny in the least.
Shoot me now...it's the humane thing to do.
posted by WordWhiz at 7/30/2005
12 Comments:
*bangs head against wall*
I'm sorry. Even the good kids, eh? Like I said, I went on the pill at 17 and stated to my parents that it was for regulating my periods (a legit thing to say considering that my periods were anywhere between 3 weeks and 8 weeks apart...extremely irregular)...and instantly the hymen was gone. I was a GREAT kid too, never got in trouble, fantastic relationship with my mom...and something to keep in mind: My parents totally rocked. I mean it. I have some of the best parents in the world. Yet, I still dove into premarital sex at 17 with my now ex-husband. Why am I stressing this to you? Because you can be a great mom, and exactly the mom your daughter needs, and she STILL can screw up all on her own. Teens are hormonal. Especially teenage boys. I was told that either we started having sex (we had been dating for a year) or he walked...so, uh, being a stupid 17 yr old, I did so. Apparently he was getting Negative Man Points for not having sex with his four years younger gf *snort*
Make sure you sort out with her ON HER OWN later on *why* she made the decision to have sex. Do not buy "I love him" and drop it at that. Push further. You can't help her unless you understand why she did it...
Sigh. Again, I'm sorry. It's why I dread teenage years with my kids!
4:45 PM
How's old is the WhizKid? I thought she was 16 or 17? Um, I got birth control and got going at 18. I just knew this was something I wanted to check out, you know? Hormones are pretty strong then . . . talk with her alone along the lines of "Don't do anything you don't want to do. It's hard to know what you really want to do. Physical desire can be a powerful motivator. Don't feel you have to connect physical desire to love. You can feel love without desire and desire without love. Try to know which is which." I say that because it seems like lots of girls convince themselves that their first few sexual experiences are "great romances" when they'd be a lot better served by thinking of them as first attempts at swimming in a pretty big pond. Got to learn to swim before you know what you're doing.
Let's face it: unless we want your daughter to not feel desire and not enjoy sex when she's an adult, over the next few years she'll be trying different things. More important than not having her have a particular experience (in my mind) would be having her acknowledge her own wants and needs and controlling her own interactions. She's going to be making the decisions over the next few years that will determine how she views sex for a long time. Isn't the end goal that she reach a point where sex is a meaningful and enjoyable part of her life than that she follow a specific path to get there?
6:31 PM
Oh my. I bet that was a shock to walk in on. My reaction would have been to bounce him out the door on his head. Not the right reaction, I know, but I'm pretty sure it's the one I would have had. Better listen to Kira's and Foilwoman's advice rather than mine. My reaction would have been emotional, theirs is well thought out and logical. But, I'm sure you handled it (are handling it) quite well.
6:57 PM
I told them to go outside and take a walk - NOW! Then I spent some time composing myself and figuring out how to handle it before sitting them down for the talk. Another talk with just my daughter followed later. My first reaction was indeed to bounce him out on his head. That plan, however, did not take into account the fact that the guy is 6'4. He did, however, look pretty terrified during my talk - like he was more uncomfortable than I was - which was made it a bit easier. And yes, she's 17 - will be 18 in the fall.
7:42 PM
Gee, Whizzer, I sure wish I could help, but....well,
Wait a minute!
Buy her 100 dildoes and tell her, "Look, kiddo, at all the choices you can make. Not all of them will be good."
9:25 PM
lol well i see how that could be a bit scary but its kinda cool that she feels she talk that way with you, which is better than her not
1:46 AM
Whiz, I actually bouced someone on their head this weekend. It's not a whole lot of fun.
I'm not an expert on any of this, but just make sure that you talk to her. It will help.
2:44 AM
Good luck! :)
8:23 AM
oh. dear. god.
i now know to flee the country should i ever sire a female child...
oh. dear. god.
9:16 AM
Yup, the fact that men who were once teenage boys and young men grow up to be men who are the fathers of daughters who will want to fool around with teenaged boys and then young men pretty much shows us that there is probably a vengeful god with a sick sense of humor. Hee.
2:18 PM
That. Is. Terrible. You have more control then I would have...I'd ring both of their necks.
2:57 PM
Apparently, Kira and I are more alike than we knew. I started taking birth control, and very soon after I wasn't so innocent anymore. Definitely talk to her. You're a better woman than my mom; she scared the hell out of me when she found out I wasn't a virgin. And I was 20!!
9:11 AM
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