FOR WOMEN ONLY!!

You heard me guys...this is not for you!!

This is my new TV. Now, all you men go off and discuss electronics! You know you want to!

This post is a public service announcement for those women who, like me, were worried about the recently reported health hazards associated with the birth control patch. Paul heard about them before I did and had me consult my doctor, who suggested I find an alternative method of birth control. DAMN! I liked that patch. Easy to remember, easy to use, non-invasive and it even made my boobs bigger. (I'll really miss that part.)

After much investigation, I settled on the Mirena 5-year IUD. It has far fewer side-effects than the 10-year version and I'm hoping that 5-years will bring me to the END of my child-bearing years. (Why aren't I there yet? What 45-year-old woman in her right mind wants to have a baby??)

Okay guys...if you're still here, this would be a really good time to click on one of those links to the right. I'm sure you'll find what Blog Ho has to say today far more amusing than this stuff!

The IUD insertion procedure has to take place during your period, which I think is just gross for the poor doctor. I had a few more questions today. I had to ask about the string. I guess I was envisioning something like a tampon string and thinking how horribly putrid it would smell after five years. Yes, I know that's gross, but I had to ask! It's not a string, but more a thin piece of nylon. It doesn't retain any moisture or collect any odors. It only hangs down about a 1/4 below the cervix, so it does not interfere with your ability to use tampons or douches or anything like that.

You have to be checked 6 weeks after the procedure, to be sure the IUD is still in the correct position. After that, it's just once a year, with your pap test.

I won't kid you, the insertion is painful. It brought tears to my eyes. It's very, very quick - the whole thing from the time you stick your feet in the stirrups to the time it's over is probably less than 2 minutes. First they wash you with anti-bacterial cleaner. Then they put something through the cervix to measure the size of your uterus to set the IUD to the proper size. That hurts; it's VERY quick though. Then they insert the IUD. That REALLY hurts and it causes some wicked cramping. I don't think the uterus appreciates the invasion. They gave me an 800mg dose of Ibuprofen after the procedure, but by the time the nurse brought that, the pain had already begun to subside. They told me to expect heavier bleeding today, but it hasn't been that much heavier than usual.

In conclusion: It hurts like hell for less than 60 seconds, then hurts like a really bad set of cramps for about 15 minutes, then it's like the first day of your period - crampy - for several hours. After that, you don't have to think about it again for five years. I'm all set until January of 2011!!

This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by Whizzer Corporation, home of the hunky firemen.

Thank you, and have a nice day.