Weekend Warning:
It's Friday!! With the weekend upon us, I thought this might be a timely post.
(Sorry, Hof. I guess you could have benefited from it LAST week.)
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If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's have some truthfulness about the matter!
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a manure truck at 100 yards.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering whatever happened to your underwear.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really big biker dude named "Big Al."
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
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NOTE OF INTEREST: Blogger spell check does not recognize the word, asshole. Since this is the first time I've used that particular word in a post, I was unaware of this spell check deficiency before tonight. Add it to the list!
TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE OF INTEREST: My 2,000 visitor since installing Site Meter: The Clown Prince. Can I buy you a drink, Hermes?
NOTE OF CONGRATS: To my friend, Amanda, on her new job! Way to go, girl!! Can I buy you some chocolate??
posted by WordWhiz at 6/10/2005
17 Comments:
Drinks on me! Seriously. Let's do jello shots.
7:53 PM
NOW I remember why I stopped drinkin'
8:36 PM
If you can still remember it, Cowboy, it wasn't TOO big a problem. :-D
9:37 PM
Mike: ETOH? Humor me. What is ETOH??
10:20 PM
Consumption of alcohol led to me starting my blog, which led to all kinds of bad things. Use it as an exemplary story; a moral warning if you will. Great blog, wordwhiz.
10:43 PM
I thought I WAS whispering!! HaHa
10:04 AM
What a post, I gotta agree with you on all of it. I remeber those nasty nights and waking up in a place other than your bed just praying to god that you made it home ok and it really is your house.
10:15 AM
Hmmm....where's the one that says, Warning, may make you and your ex relive memory lane much to your misery the next day? I guess maybe the "wake up to somebody not of your species" one MIGHT cover it...haha!
1:33 PM
Mike: When I lived in Tennessee, we called that MOONSHINE! I didn't recognize the scientific title. Thanks for clarifying, "Scientific Mike".
1:41 PM
you mean that if i drink i can get pregnant?
oh, the horror!
2:28 PM
Consumption of alcohol will persuade you to play Russian roulette -- maybe for the last time.
2:49 PM
Excellent post! Very witty.
Yet another reason the drive-up window is always open LATE.
You deserve a Taco. Great read.
4:26 PM
I should have read this list last night before going out. While I didn't drink, I acted AS drunk as the poeple I was with. I woke up this morning raspy from all the singing and whooping. Let's try to make today a good day :)
12:13 PM
I'm hung over, and have now begun drinking wine at the tender hour of 2pm.
Fuck convention. It's Sunday.
For better URL pleasure.
5:23 PM
Mona: Sounds like a great time!! All the fun and none of the next day nausea!! The best of both worlds!!
5:33 PM
love these...unfortunately I did #3 last night...the drunk dial....oh shit.
7:02 PM
I'm also your 20th comment on this post. Weird huh?
Well...what's my prixe?
12:30 AM
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