Protect Your Children!

Recent posts by Mike and Tisha have caused me think about the innocence of childhood and about those who prey on that innocence.
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JUNE 2004:
My daughter and I moved into our affordable fixer-upper eight months earlier, shortly before her 16th birthday. Turning our extremely modest home into the “Just Us Girls Estate” was an on-going project. That night, I was expecting a painter. I was rushing to get dinner ready so we could eat and clean up before the painter arrived. My daughter walked in, having spent the day with her friend, M, helping with a tag sale at M’s family’s church.

After a few moments in her room, my daughter entered the kitchen and asked if she could talk to me about something. Assuming she’d had a spat with her friend, I asked her if it could wait until after dinner.

PARENTAL ADVICE TIP #1: Dinner can ALWAYS wait.

My daughter ate very little, and then went to her room. Before I could go talk to her, the painter arrived. We toured the house, choosing paint colors. After she left, I knocked on my daughter’s bedroom door. As soon as I was in the room, she was crying.

She and M had walked back to M’s house as the tag sale was winding down. M’s parents had not yet returned home, but M’s sister and sister’s boyfriend were there. M’s older sister had given birth to a child at age 18. She was engaged to marry the baby’s father, J, who was quite a bit older. She and the baby were living at home with her parents until that wedding took place. (The wedding is still pending.) While M took a shower and M’s sister tended to the baby, my daughter was forced to make small talk with J, who she said had always given her the creeps. He produced an S&M costume, telling my daughter that it was something porn stars wore. She described it as a leather get-up with a face covering which included a ball which fit into the wearer’s mouth. He offered her $20 to model it for him. My daughter was horrified. She ran upstairs and banged on the bathroom door, pleading with her friend to get out of the shower. Soon after, M’s parents arrived home. My daughter told them nothing, but asked that they driver her home.

Telling me the story, she was shaking and crying. She was humiliated. “Why would he think I’d do something like that? Do I seem like that kind of girl?” Back in my day, my daughter is the type of girl we might refer to as a “goodie-goodie.” She attends church regularly, sings in the choir, and admonishes other teens for cursing on the bus. No one who has ever met her could possibly consider her someone who might have a bondage fetish.

I called the police. This guy was in his mid- to late-20s. . My daughter was 16. The police informed me that, at age 16, she was considered an adult in matters involving sexual propositions. Eight months earlier, he’d have been arrested for soliciting a minor for a sex act. But on that day, he was merely a guy with a fetish, trying to find some action. (With a teenage girl, in the home of his would-be in-laws, with his fiancé nearby.) The officer on the other end of the phone told me that, “No crime was committed.” I asked him if he had children. He did not. I told him I wanted to speak to an officer with a teenage daughter. I wanted to hear him say that no crime had been committed.

I’m friendly with my ex. I can’t think of anyone I would call my enemy. I tend to be a very forgiving person.

On that day, I honestly believe I could have committed murder. I have never known such anger and utter loathing.

JUNE 2005:
I saw J today. As manufactured as this might sound, it was at a birthday celebration for a wonderful woman who is dying from terminal cancer. She’s in her 40s and has two young children. My daughter and I slipped quietly away from the party. We didn’t want to be where J was, and we did not want to create a scene and ruin our friend’s special day.

A year has passed. Maybe I’m no longer capable of committing homicide…

…but I wasn’t willing to bet on it.