My son, the soldier

My oldest son, age 20, is serving in the military. He's stationed state-side.

Back in high school, he dated the sister of his closest friend for nearly a year. She dumped him early in his senior year, leaving him hurt and bitter. Whenever he came home on leave, he studiously avoided her, quite the feat given the fact he was still friends with her brother.

A year ago this past September, his efforts to avoid her failed. She'd been keeping up with his life through her brother and apparently had decided that this guy she'd tossed aside was now an attractive catch. (Something about a guy in uniform.) She showed up at the house while he was home on leave and they spent a few days hanging out together. Then they started writing and calling. By Christmas of that year, barely three months after they'd reunited and without being in the same state during all that time, they were engaged. She was 17 and still in high school. He was 19. Neither of them even had a driver's license.

My reaction to the situation has gone through various stages over the past year and a half. Initially I smiled and ignored it, figuring it was too crazy and impulsive to last and it would just go away on its own. It didn't. I tried reasoning with my son. He listened politely and claimed to agree with most of my points, but she wanted to get married and he would dutifully go along. The same personality trait that made him a good son and a good soldier was now leading him to the altar!

Certain that for her, it was a romantic fantasy about a fancy wedding to a man in uniform, I insisted they provide me with a budget, to prove they'd considered how they would live AFTER the wedding day. They did…but seeing in black-and-white that their expenses would exceed their income by nearly $15,000/year didn't seem to matter to them. "We're in love. It will all work out." There is no fighting fantasy with logic.

As the May date approached, I finally gave up the fight and accepted my postion as mother-of-the-groom. A month or so ago, #1-Son called to say they had to push back the wedding date to June. The original date conflicted with some required army training he'd been scheduled to take. They settled on June 3 and sent out "Save-the-Date" notes to family and friends.

#1-Son, called last night to tell me he and "S" were once again changing their wedding date. I got down the calendar and inquired as to the new date.

"We haven't decided exactly," he said. "Probably April of next year."

It seems their out-of-control spending of what they viewed as my son's bottomless bank account finally caught up with them and they realized that they really can't afford to get married right now. (Where have I heard this before??)

He also said that his fiance had always wanted to be a "spring bride" and the June date had ruined that fantasy. Waiting until next year would allow her to marry in the season of her choice. (It's all about the day!)

Did you just hear that big sigh of relief??